A few of my favorite things . . .

Before I had James, I did a journal prompt that was titled "100 Things I Love." I recently revisited this list and enjoyed it so much, I wanted to add it to the blog.

Here we go:

100 Things I Love: (in no particular order)

Skinny jeans. Finishing an art project. Music. The feeling after working out. Candy. Surprises. Fruit. Painting. Pictures. Learning. Halloween. A clean kitchen. Cinnamon rolls. Nostalgia. Alphabetizing. Rain. Lemonade. Summer. Organized spaces. Dustin Kensrue. Spaghetti. Mean Girls. Psychology. Fireworks. Purple. Family. The smell of fall. Alaska. Sleeping in. Spice cake. The 4th of July. Tommy Boy. Being LDS. Neuroscience. Mountains. Presents. Harry Potter. Pad Thai. Reading. Mom. Singing in the car. Lists. The 90's. Sunshine. Temples. Warm concrete on bare feet after the sun goes down. Kissing. Crafting. Nieces and nephews. Picture frames. JACOB. The smell of laundry detergent. Laughing. Having the day off. Being outside. Vacation. Doodling. Thrice. Thunderstorms. Cuddling. Playing games. Trees. Volleyball. Buying small notebooks/journals. Mopping. Snow cones. Shopping (not grocery). Nail polish. Lemon meringue pie. Teal. Apple/cinnamon scents. Shaved legs + clean sheets. Guitars. Staying up late talking. Vans shoes. Hot tubs. Prismacolors. Christmas. Ron Swanson. Clouds. Garlic. Scrapbook paper. Walking barefoot on sand. Following through. Hanging out. Screen printing. Hermione Granger. Cardigans. Sushi. Mom's homemade ham & potato soup. Hugs. Screamo. Corn on the cob. Doner Kebab. Vienna. Virgin margaritas. JAMES. Volcom. Kayaking. Sour cream & onion potato chips.

I looooove making lists (obviously, it's in the above list), but this list has to make me more happy than any other list!

Why the Stay-at-Home Mom vs. Working Mom Debate Exists . . .

The mommy wars are always ridiculous. I say this knowing full well that I have, at one time or another, contributed to them. But I think the worst mommy war topic is staying home vs. working. People can be so wretchedly mean about their opinions. So I started thinking about why such animosity exists between these two, fairly similar groups of people. Here's what I came up with.

1. Everyone wants to be validated

Basically all moms want to provide the best life possible for their children. This, however, can mean different things to different people. Sometimes it seems like the best way you can make your child's life better is to earn more money. Some circumstances mandate that you need to make more money for your child to make their life better (see #3). Sometimes people think giving their child a stable, consistent home life is the best start. Either way, we make our choice, and we hope we are doing the best thing.

And we want people to know that we are indeed doing the best thing.

So we seek validation. If saying how hard being a stay at home mom is on Facebook, someone will probably comment "Amen" or something. But it also makes us feel better about our own circumstances to trash whatever group of people is doing the opposite. Pointing out the flaws in others' plans can make us feel better about our own. This is true for many life circumstances, not just parenting, and not just this specific aspect of parenting. We want to feel like what we are doing is best. So we make a war out of it.

2. Knee jerk responses are real

This one is related to the first. If you were a working mother, and someone had the audacity to say that stay-at-home moms give their child the best start at life, or they somehow are superior, wouldn't you get defensive? It is easy to pile on the criticism either way. I have heard both. "Stay-at-home moms are lazy!" (I have seen some pretty damning videos that show just what the world thinks stay-at-home moms do all day.) "Working moms are selfish!" Whatever. Obviously neither of those things are true. But when you feel attacked, it's what you will come up with. Mostly to make yourself feel better about your situation.

3. Sometimes circumstances are out of our control

I am a stay-at-home mom by choice. Mostly. Honestly, I could probably get a job; I have decent qualifications. I know there is good day care in my area. But I would rather not. I do find my experience raising my child day-to-day rewarding.

But...

This wasn't exactly my plan. I grew up in a household that strongly rewarded academic achievement. My parents raised two valedictorians (note: there are only two kids in our family). My mindset has always been one of work and school and getting that paper. But my husband got a great job opportunity in our small hometown, and the university doesn't have a Master's program I'm interested in pursuing. (My poor choice of undergraduate degree doesn't help this situation.)

So this is what I do. I stay home and raise the baby so we can save money on daycare and because I am kind of out of options right now.

I don't think I am the only person to end up working or not working because of circumstances out of my control. And when you feel kind of stuck, you feel kind of defensive. Some working moms are working moms by choice, and some are not. Maybe most are not entirely sold one ways or the other. But if you do feel stuck, it might ease the pain of being stuck by lashing out a bit. Angry Internet rants aside, when you put down others (see #1) or boost yourself up, you may be able to make yourself feel a bit more in control in your situation.

4. There is good and bad to both circumstances

I worked a small number of hours a week from the time my little one was 7 weeks old until he was 4 1/2 months old. There were a lot of reasons to stop working that I won't get into. But it came as kind of a relief to not have to worry about juggling being a caregiver and, well, being a caregiver (ironically, that was my actual job title).

I thought the stress of life would immediately melt away because I didn't have to worry about working anymore. It didn't. Shocking, I know. Turns out there is a lot of stress in being home all day. The trouble with being a stay-at-home mom is that you are stuck at work 24 hours a day. At least if you work at home and work at work, your environment changes a bit. I see the same tasks facing me from the moment I get up in the morning 'til the moment I lay down at night. In addition, being a stay-at-home mom was challenging in all the wrong ways. You aren't tackling anything monumental or life affirming, you are just doing the mundane things that every household has to accomplish in order to function. And your co-workers (babies) are pretty demanding.

However, being a stay-at-home mom is pretty great at the same time. I have taken a greater interest in my old hobbies since I stopped working. My co-worker is dang cute and funny! And I am in remarkable control of my hours, especially now that baby is older.

There is good and bad.

I felt the same way working and raising a child. It was hectic to coordinate baby-sitters. It was exhausting to leave one job to come home to more work. But it is so rewarding to earn your own money and accomplish things outside of laundry and cleaning. Good and bad co-exist here, too.

I think that's where the root of the war comes in. Neither circumstance is perfect. Unsurprisingly, since there is virtually nothing on earth that is perfect. However, nitpicking, complaining, and unrestrained use of Internet commentating allow us to say whatever we want to whatever end we please.

So the war takes more victims.

I was not the first stay-at-home mom to be offended by someone else's slander. Nor will I be the last. But I think it helps to identify with something other than such a narrow framework. I am a stay-at-home mom, currently. I probably won't always stay home. There will be a good 30 years after the kids have gone before I die. Who knows what will happen then. And who knows what will happen when all the kids are old enough to be in school.

The point is, it doesn't freaking matter.

You do the best you can with the circumstances you are in. You try to make good choices for your family. And you shut the @#$% up about so-and-so's choices because it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Okay, moving on.

One of my favorite things . . . ever . . .

This post is about to get weird. You have been warned.

Not weird in the way a good portion of the Internet is weird. But weird in the way that I am about to talk about something people don't spend much time talking about.

Breasts, medically speaking.

Yes, it's weird. I don't know why it's weird, but I'll get to that later.

Okay, here's the point of the post: I love breastfeeding. Seriously, absolutely no joke, I adore it.

Time to make a list (I make a lot of those)

Why I Love Breastfeeding:

1. I'll start with the motivation I had behind breastfeeding. Before there was ever a baby or a need to feed him, I wanted to breastfeed because of the medical benefits. Hopefully, most people are at least somewhat aware of them. I think the best argument for why breastfeeding is best can be found on every container of infant formula. It says, and I quote: "Experts agree, breastfeeding is best for baby." If the #1 competition for breastfeeding conceded that breastfeeding is best, it must certainly be so. But, to convince you further, here are some more detailed arguments:
   *Even after one feeding, your baby's levels of immunoglobulins (the building blocks of the immune system) skyrocket to exactly what they need. A breastfeeding mother gives her baby her very own immune system. A formula fed child takes two years to reach those same levels. Breast milk contains antibodies for illnesses that the mother is current battling, protecting her child from the contagions that he would be exposed to anyway.
   *Breast milk changes over the course of a babies life to suit the needs of a baby at the very specific point in the development they need it.
   *Breast milk contains agents that scientists have not been able to identify and formula does not contain, because we do not know how to replicate them.
   *Babies who are formula-fed have higher incidences of ear infections, eczema, food allergies, asthma, gastrointestinal infections that cause vomiting and diarrhea, pneumonia and other respiratory diseases, obesity in adolescence and adulthood, type 1 and type 2 diabetes, childhood leukemia and lymphoma, and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). (This info is from the American Academy of Pediatrics guide to breastfeeding.)
Every health organization across the world recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of life. So, yeah, breastfeeding is awesome.

2. Now, for the unexpected benefits. The best one by far is the closeness. Holding that baby close to you, his little hands resting on you, his little eyes glancing up at you. Ugh, I can't even handle it. It is one of the best feelings in the world. It is, of course, related to the skin-to-skin contact that is so beneficial for babies health and mom's psychological health. It also has to do with the rush of oxytocin the bodies generates while breastfeeding. Nothing like a hormonal boost of good feelings to make you associate positivity with something you are doing.

3. Feeling like a champion because every single ounce and inch that the baby has grown is 100% because of me. What kind of a rock star am I when I single-handed grew that baby (inside and outside the womb)! I obviously feel pretty cool about myself when I look at how big his head is getting or how much longer he is now and think that, for his first six months, that was all because of my efforts.

4. Once he started becoming the wiggle-meister that he currently is, being able to hold him and have him lie (mostly) still was a nice feeling. I, for one, loved having a little cuddly newborn, and miss that in itself quite a lot. Breastfeeding is the closest I get to having my newborn back.

Now, to clarify, breastfeeding is NOT easy, in the beginning. For some people, it is never easy. I totally understand the "why am I doing this?" feeling. I, fortunately, just never even considered the option that I was going to try formula feeding instead. It was like my brain did not permit that kind of thought. After, 5 weeks, things got considerably easier. I was able to say, yes, I can make it to six months. That is reasonable. And after about three months, I began to really love it. (It helps that it takes him much less time to each, so it is basically like a 10 minute cuddle now, whereas before it was an hour long ordeal.)

Two things I need to say. I do not intend to attack anyone or insult anyone who did not breastfeed their child. I understand that there are a multiplicity of reasons for not breastfeeding. Sometimes the body is just physically not capable of doing it. Sometimes it is a ridiculously hard trial and it never seems to get easier. I get that.

I did want to say this so that if someone reads this who is contemplating quitting might be able to try it a little bit longer. I also wanted to post this to hopefully change someone's mind who is like, "I'm just going to formula feed, it seems easier." At least try! It's almost selfish to not even try!

Lastly, I hope that someone who hates it might be able to endure it long enough to have this wonderful positively experience that I have been so blessed to have. I am 100% sure that I am going to cry the day James is completely weaned. I will miss this wonderfully fulfilling and meaningful experience. One of my greatest achievements is that I stuck with it long enough to have this kind of wonderful experience with my baby. I am so grateful for that.

Post 6 months . . .

I heard it going into having a baby, but I didn't have any concept for it: the first six months of new parenthood is ridiculously hard. There were times when it wasn't that bad, sure, but it seemed like there was way more time spent going "oh, crap, I can't do this."

Maybe I'm just a bad mom. I don't know. I've never been a mom before, I have nothing to compare this to. But I felt like I was going to lose my shi* often. Speaking of shi*, I have sworn more in the last 7 1/2 months than I had in the entire 23 years previous. It's just hard. I like making lists, so here's a list of what is so hard.

1. Sleep. I feel I covered this extensively in the last post, so I will move on.

2. Being needed. Constantly. I think the time after you move out of your parents house and before you become a parent is some of the most me-centric time your whole life. I seriously did what I wanted 98% of the time. Yes, I was going to school and working, but when I got home, especially if the husband wasn't home, I did whatever I dang well pleased. If I wanted to take a nap, I napped. If I wanted to play video games, I played video games. Etc. But I feel like so much of my life is dictated by the needs of this small human. I mean, I can try to do something I want to do, even if it seems like it might work out for a minute. But it doesn't really last. Baby always needs something, it seems. In the past month or so, James has started napping consistently enough that I am able to shower while he sleeps. This is a huge accomplishment. Having the opportunity to shower every day, before noon! Wow. That is wild stuff. So freeing, except when I think about the freedoms of pre-baby life.

3. Expectations. They kill everything, but they especially kill the fun of having a baby. I knew from my Child Development classes that newborns slept approximately 17 hours a day. So I assumed that he would just be sleeping constantly. And he sure seemed to be falling asleep constantly, but dang, he never slept for long. And he sure liked to be awake at 1:00 AM those first two weeks of his life. But the expectations continue to kill you even after you start realize that you have become a walking zombie and that's probably how things are going to be for a while. Like expecting him to cry less as he gets older. Or expecting that bedtimes will get easier as he gets older. Or expecting him to like green beans because you like green beans. Or expecting him to sleep through the night at 4 months because many babies sleep through the night at four months. Expectations basically just set you up for failure and make you feel like you have done something wrong, when the reality is you are just responsible for this little being that hasn't been a part of the world for even a year and has no idea what the paradigm of life is out here. It's cool. He's just a baby.

4. Being a stay-at-home mom. This is obviously not applicable to everyone, nor should it be. Some families do it differently, and that is fine. It made the most sense in our family for me to stay home with James. And I am glad I do, and I don't miss my job much at all. But it is trying stuff. I get to deal with the fussiness and the poop and the spit up and the changing clothes and the too-short naps and all the like, every day, all day. There isn't a ton of opportunity for breaks. And it is hard to change the working woman mindset to one that is okay with feeling accomplished doing things in the home. It is hard to have so many hours at home spent talking to a baby and myself. Yes, I talk to myself. I kind of have to. I have too many words not to.

Okay, we'll call that a decent list. But I am here to say one thing today:

It has gotten so much better. I do not want to say that it was like we hit the six month threshold and, all of a sudden, everything was wonderful. I just slowly realized "hey, this is easier than it used to be." Maybe I am just getting better at dealing with things, or maybe James finally learned to sit up and entertain himself for longer periods of time. Or he is learning how to put himself back down when he wakes up at night. Or he stopped waking up so much after 45 minutes of napping. Whatever, it doesn't matter, it has gotten easier.

One thing parents do to each other than is unintentionally cruel is say things like, "I'm sorry things are hard right now, but just wait until he gets to [insert arbitrary age here] and things will be so much better." Because I heard those things and hit so many of those supposed "milestones," and nothing changed.  (It goes back to why expectations suck.) But I do want to get the point across, that at some point in time, it will be easier. I don't know when. I think it is different for every parent-baby combination. It probably took a long time with us because the thing that I struggle with the most was dealing with sleep deprivation and the things James dealt with the worst was sleeping well. So the combination was explosive. But thank goodness, things have gotten better.

I also want to say that just because those six month were so incredibly hard for me doesn't diminish the fact that I love my baby tremendously. In fact, loving my baby was sort of a mantra to help me through those rough times. "I do this because I love him. I do this because I wanted to be a parent and raise babies and this is what raising babies looks like. I do this because I wanted this baby. I do this because I love him."

So, all in all, being a parent is wonderfully, exquisitely sucky. And, oddly, worth it. Thankfully, the suckiness does seem to diminish. Even if it never completely disappears.

One year . . .

I was just thinking about how different my life is than how I thought it would have turned out one year ago. Last May, I had just graduated with my Bachelor's, Jacob was done with sitting-in-a-classroom schooling and was preparing to student teach, and we were both working the same jobs we had been working since before we were married.

We were looking into graduate schools, trying to decide where we could both go, and if we could both go. Although our program choices had changed since the previous year, we were both sure that we would both be applying shortly for Fall 2013 enrollment. I signed up to take the GRE and enrolled in an online class to meet a requirement for admissions.

At the end of summer, we got our first surprise. Jacob's choice of grad program, education, would not accept applicants who did not have a Level 3 teaching license, i.e. the license you get after teaching professionally for three years. Sooooo, Jacob can't go to grad school until he gets a job. Okay, we can deal with that.

Second surprise: I felt terrible about applying for grad school. By September, I had taken the GRE, was almost halfway done with my online class, and had printed out the requirements to apply to my dream program: Master's of Social Work at BYU. And I couldn't get anything done on it. There was so much doubt about how in the world Jacob was going to get three years of teaching done in a very specialized program with few job openings if we set ourselves up for going to one place. My immobilization turned into complete disinterest and finally we agreed that I would skip applying for yet another year.

Third surprise: Jacob gets a job. Not only did Jacob get a job, but he got a full time job in his field TWO DAYS after he finished student teaching. They basically head hunted him for it, and within a month's time, we had gone from not knowing what the crap was going to happen to with our futures to having one pretty much handed to us. The only catch was that he had to do such a bang-up job and get so many students interested in taking German that they wouldn't cut the program come spring. Okay, some direction. Finally.

Fourth surprise: We get pregnant. The decision to try to get pregnant is totally personal and complicated and anyone who thinks I give a crap about their input on our decision to start our family can kiss mine. But I have to admit that it was kind of a whirlwind chain of events that lead us to make the decision, and I second-guessed myself more than once. Once again, our lives changes dramatically in a very short amount of time. It kind of made sense - Jacob would hopefully be able to keep his job for many years to come and that was more important than me going to graduate school immediately. Still, it was only a few weeks where we went from "I have no idea to when we will start our family" to "We're starting our family." That mind-blowing decision was only intensified when it took us a shockingly short amount of time to get pregnant. And just like that, over the course of a few short months, our futures had changed again.

Fifth surprise: They're cutting Jacob's program. This was a heartbreaking week. When Jacob got the news that they would be cutting German, we both spent the whole week in a kind of distant fog, a little on the verge of tears. It was a little bit of a slap in the face, to get pregnant and almost immediately find out that we have no income prospects for the upcoming year. We were both thinking, "What are we supposed to do now?" but talking about it was too uncomfortable and raw to really get anywhere. (Let me add that it was not due to Jacob that the program was being cut. Jacob did an amazing job getting students talking about how fun German was, and students were dropping French and Spanish to take it. With only around 100 student currently enrolled, he had 167 sign up for next year's program, more than enough for a full-time teacher. The program was that with Canyon View's overall enrollment dropping, the state would only allot a certain number of teachers they would pay for. With Jacob being a long-term sub and every other teacher being a contracted teacher with the intent to return next year, Jacob made the most fiscal sense to cut.)

Sixth surprise: They're not cutting Jacob's program. After we talked about it and decided that staying in Cedar and having the baby here was a better option than moving to Virginia or somewhere crazy far away where they were actually hiring a full-time German teacher, Jacob went to his boss and let him know that if they were to offer German part-time, he would be willing to stay. It only took a couple of days for the news to come that they would offer German part-time. Mostly due to some extra funds that the school was able to secure, but I think in part due to the fact that they knew they would have an applicant for the position. And so our life is set a stir again. We will [hopefully] have a job, but it won't be much, and there won't be benefits. Something we can work with. We're very good on living on a tight budget.

The seventh event was not so much a surprise as it was a confirmation that we were going in the right direction. Jacob got the part-time German job. Against one other applicant, but still. It's the best news we've gotten since we found out we were expecting.

So we are now at a place very different from where I had imagined we would be. I thought this summer would be spent scoping out apartments in the city of one of our grad program's schools, packing up our crap and hitting the books this fall. How very wrong I was. Instead, we will be prepping for a baby, living as cheaply as we can, and praying that Jacob's program can go full-time as soon as possible. Crazy how life throws us around and puts us where we need to be.

A follow up . . .

Wow. That last post was pretty depressing. I have to admit I was in the gall of bitterness at that point. Not all days leave me feeling that bad, but one or two days a week, it really gets to me. I admit it, life is not amazing right now. Working 50 hours a week, every week, freaking sucks. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays usually consist of 12 - 14 hours of work. It's gotten pretty bad.

I have always known that my personality is not the type that does "all day, everyday" very well. I really can't handle doing one thing all day. This includes working. I get pretty down when the only thing I do during my waking hours is working, or, in a slight variation, going to and coming from work. It gets to me when I have those 8:30am-11:30pm work days (okay, I had an hour break, but still).

But I am feeling a lot better today. It is General Conference in my church, and, fortunately, I made it a priority to squeeze that into another work day. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf is so great. He has the tendency to speak to things that I really need to hear. Today was especially pertinent. He talked about making time for the important things in life, not whittling away all the time doing things that don't do you any good in the eternal scheme of things.

I realize that this is not happening too often in my life these days. Sometimes I see Jacob awake for half and hour the entire day. And while so much of that seems like it is out of control, it kind of isn't. I have a serious problem always saying "yes" to people. "Can you cover my shift?" "Can you handle that many hours?" "Can you come in early?" Yes. Yes. Yes. WHY? Just because I can doesn't mean I should. In fact, just because I can doesn't even mean it is in my best interest to do so. The physiological effects of my work schedule is becoming more and more evident everyday. How so? By all the stupid things I do and say that my brain wouldn't do if I had gotten enough rest! It needs to stop. I need to start saying no.

The second point that came up during President Uchtdorf's talk was that we need to be happy, no matter our circumstances. This was so good for me to hear (and my husband was totally like, "See? I've been telling you that the whole time!") because I have been the queen of complaining lately. Everyday I count up how many hours I am working and boo and whine about how much it is. It. Needs. To. Stop.

I have so much to be grateful for. I have such an amazing family. Especially my husband, who has been so patient with me lately and has been so loving, despite the minimal amount of time we see each other. I had the rare opportunity to be with my parents, brother, sister-in-law, nephew, and niece yesterday. It was so great. I am so lucky to have such a great family. We have so many blessings in our lives. We have food in our fridge, an apartment to live in, cars that run, bodies that stay healthy (even when we aren't giving them all the sleep and rest they need), and so many other things that many people in the world go without. Even the very thing I complain about the most, work, is a blessing. How lucky am I that I have two jobs?! Some people can't even get one!

So I am going to try to be better. President Uchtdorf, you really inspired me to try to make some changes. I think they will make me better, they will definitely make my life easier.

So here are my goals:

1. Stop saying yes to everything. Say no to people. They are not your responsibility.

2. Spend more time with family. 

3. Be happier. Appreciate everything you have.

4. Stop complaining (so much). 
This will be the difficult part.

Hoping for a better week next week! And so excited to have Sunday off tomorrow.

Prayer . . .

. . . Is the most amazing resource I have been given on this earth. How in the world could I survive this life without a constant lifeline to the only one who really knows what is best. I feel so bad for people who don't think they can pray. I wish they knew what kind of power lie in prayer. I stop and pray so much throughout the day. Random times, for random reasons. When I don't know what to do. When I am upset. When I am amazed at a new blessing. When I am amazed at an old blessing. When I start worrying about the future. Every little thing. I trace it back to God. He blesses me immensely. He shows me the way. And when I follow his way, it always turns out for the best.

My testimony of the Gospel is so deeply rooted in prayer that whenever I am struggling with any other Gospel topic, that is what I turn to. Give me knowledge of this that I may believe. And it helps so much.

The best time to pray is in the temple. The temple has weeded out so many distractions and it does so much in keeping Satan away that is it the best place for the companion of prayer to come. Revelation. God answers the prayers of His children. Especially in the temple. But He also answers the prayers of His children in his own time and in his own way. Sometimes that way is not the way we would have it. But learning to accept revelation only strengthens your relationship with the one who gave it to you.

I am so grateful that I have this tool. This invaluable resource to help me through this life. It can be an incredibly difficult life, and I am so glad that I have an omniscient Father to guide me and make things easier.

My husband . . .

The title does not convey what this post will be about. Complaining? Bashing? Adoration? The third one, yes :)

Although I do have a lot to complain about after the week I've had, this is a grateful post. My husband is the best person I have ever known. He does so much for me. This week he has been doing more than usual.

I aggravated my SI joint in my lower back on Monday. And again this morning. So basically I have been hobbling around slowly a lot lately. Here are some of the things that have accompanied this irritating injury: pain while bending over, pain while standing up, pain while getting out of bed, pain while moving side to side, pain while walking, pain while sneezing, general pain. I think you get the picture. This pain (which has been pretty severe some of the time) has prevented me from doing a lot of things, or at least doing a lot of things without taking 5 minutes of struggling.

This is where my sweet husband comes in. He has been doing so much for me. There are little things, like picking things up off the floor because I can't bend over or getting the rice pack in the microwave so I can lay on the heat. But there have been a few times of excruciating pain that I have pretty much not been able to do anything for myself.

This morning, when I re-twisted the injury, I couldn't even move. What's worse, I was in the shower. Thank goodness I am married and didn't have to call in a roommate to come dry me off. So Jacob got to help me hobble out of the shower, help me get dressed, the whole sha-bang. While he was helping me get dressed, I got into a fit of such pain that I started drifting out of consciousness. Almost passing out was also accompanied by nausea. Jacob (who can't stand being around vomit) grabbed me a bowl and stood by rubbing my back as I gagged.

He has also been wonderful in helping me get things done. We had a lot of laundry to do yesterday, but I couldn't bend over enough to get anything out of the dryer. So he got to do it every time. Additionally, this morning I went out to buy my sister-in-law a present, and he came with me so I didn't have to carry it.

And although I have thanked him repeatedly for his generosity and sacrifice, he just keeps saying, "It's not a sacrifice, I love taking care of my honey."

What a sweetie. He is the best thing ever. I can't believe how lucky I am. :)

I am thankful for . . .

Lately I have been so impressed with how blessed I am. I don't mean to rub it in anyone's face, but I am crazy blessed. So many times in a week, I just have to stop and think to myself, How in the world is all this working out so well? Normal people's lives cannot possible work out like this. I just am so amazed at all the things that God has given me. Besides the most obvious one (an amazing husband), I have been so blessed with my family, finances, and, well, just me. God blessed me with a perfectly functional body, a capable mind, and talents that have helped me achieve success for myself.

The other day I was reading in Mosiah, chapter 2, and I read the verses about how we could do everything we could to praise and thank God, serve him every second of every day, and still be unprofitable servants. I definitely know that I am an unprofitable servant, and that I have screwed up so many times its not even funny. Yet, He still blesses me so much.

I am so grateful that I have the truth in my life and that I am able to receive such love from God and that I am able to serve Him to the best of my abilities. Even if, after all of my life spent serving Him, I am still indebted to Him.

Some people are just so . . .

This is not a cynical post, which the title may have led you to believe.

I am very excited now. I get excited when humanity shows me its still humane. I get excited when people show me they know how to be people and not animals.

I am grateful for grateful people.

That is all.

Is that so bad?

I enjoy those people who take the time to acknowledge the things that other people do for them.

I enjoy those people who surprise you with a bit more support and follow-through than you were expecting.

Some days, people disgust me.

Today is not one of those days.