Joy is . . .

not a passing fancy or a fleeting moment. Joy is permanent marker on a new pair of pants. Once joy has touched you, it is imprinted on your soul. You never are the same.

Joy is fragile. Its not like pleasure. Pleasure is easy to find, temporary, and translucent. Joy is like hand blown glass. It will last longer than you do if you care for it. But if let it slip past you, it is gone. Painfully gone.

Joy comes in those moments that leave you smiling for eight days. Those moments that you can't stop thinking about. Those moments that leave you full and whole. Those moments that, if you could, you would play over and over again to fill your whole lifetime.

Joy comes from hard work, patience, virtue, and appreciation of the beautiful things in the world. Joy comes from selfless love.

Joy is irreplaceable.

Joy is mine.

February 11th . . .

One year ago today Jacob proposed to me. I can't believe its been a year. I know people say that all the time, but its true. It's been a year of joy. Everyday I am just in awe of how lucky I am to be with him. I can't believe that in all my imperfection God still blessed me with a husband that is so amazing. I don't know how I fooled him into buying me a ring and asking me to marry him, but I am just so grateful that it worked and that I have this incredible person in my life. He is an inspiration and an example to me.

I love to see the temple . . .

My friend is getting married tomorrow in the St. George temple. I am so excited to go and watch. Everything about the temple is amazing. Going through a session is amazing. Doing baptisms is amazing. Even standing outside is amazing. But there is something so delightful about sealings. It is amazing to hear my promises again. I love the temple. Even thinking about the temple makes me have a better attitude and spirit.

The natural man is an enemy unto God . . .

I know the title may give you some idea that this is going to be a religious ranting. It's not. We have been studying Sigmund Freud in my Personality Theory class. In previous classes, I had really hated studying Freud. I did not like being told about children's sexuality. Today, however, we discussed the concepts of the id, the ego, and the super-ego, terms I was familiar with but obviously did not fully understand. My professor illustrated the functions of these three "parts" of us by explaining behaviors that each part may be responsible for. These parts are the "id," the "ego," and the "super-ego."

The id is what we are born with. It is established to that we, as humans, can gain pleasure. Unfortunately, this comes in the most untactful, irrational ways. And so the ego evolves. The ego helps the id obtain the pleasure it so vehemently seeks, but it more realistic ways. The ego lives in reality. It is the one negotiating between reality's constraints and the id's needs.

Next the super-ego develops. The super-ego also develops to fulfill pleasure, but it is our voice of moral reasoning. The id may demand that we get a hamburger NOW, but the super-ego knows that politely standing in line is more socially appropriate that jumping on the counter and screaming at the poor Wendy's employees.

Now this is interesting and all, but is it at all true? And how does it relate to the natural man? Well, God states that the natural man (carnal, sensual, etc.) is unholy and must be contained in order to become a child of God. I thought it was pretty cool (and amazing) that something I learned about in psychology, of all disciplines, could be applied to religion. Who would have thought?

Study Abroad is coming along . . .

It appears that Jacob and I will be traveling to Austria this May. Crazy. The only countries I have been to are Canada and Mexico and suddenly I'll be living for a month in Europe. We've just hit the tip of the iceberg in things that need to be done before any of this goes down. I submitted my application yesterday (luckily mine is tiny and easy, since I won't be enrolling in German classes while we're over there) and hopefully Jacob's will be done next week. Still haven't dropped any cash for this grand expenditure, but we're in the process of getting everything done. So exciting! I can't wait to see the beauty of Vienna and Salzburg. I will actually get to see a building that has been around for longer than a few centuries. Anyway, time for class.