Growing up . . .

I spoke with my advisor last week to plan out my senior year. I can't believe I will have a Bachelor's degree in just over a year. Two more semesters. Nine more classes. It really snuck up on me, and now I have to worry about the GRE and grad school and starting a real life. Sometimes I wish I were still six years old. I wish I could go ouside in a shorts and a t-shirt and play in the mud. I wish I could still sleep in the backyard with my brother in a sleeping bag. I wish I could still play with plastic horses and Beanie Babies until I fell asleep face down on the floor. Life was so simple and easy. But I didn't know enough to realize it.

All kids want to do it grow up and get older. All I want to do is be 3 1/2 feet tall and go to first grade.

When I was young, I was constantly concerned with the future. Being old enough to date. Being old enough to drive. Being old enough to stay out later than 10:00. Now I am stuck. Stuck somewhere between the future and the past. By this, I do not mean the present. Half of the time I think about the next 8 tasks and when I should take the GRE and when I'll have to get a new job and when I'll have to move to grad school. The other half of the time I am thinking about the past. How fun it was to be 14 and just play all summer with my friends or be 8 and just ride my bike for hours and hours. How fun it was last summer when I wasn't taking the GRE or worrying about anything in particular.

I forget about my presence in the present. Right now, when I'm thinking about it, I can feel its weight. The homework assignment open in another window, the soreness of my calves from work, the strain of my eyelids from a long day. But soon enough, my mind will drift into another year, another decade, when reminiscing or predicting is more important that what I am doing.

One day, when I'm grown up, I'll learn how to live in the present. And to appreciate the moments that I have.

I'm going to go kiss my husband now.

Love is . . .

Love is blinding.
Love is crippling.
Nothing with can destroy your life like love can.

Love is intense.
Love is riveting.
Love can leave you reeling.

Love is not a crush.

A crush is blinding.
A crush is riveting.
A crush is fleeting.
A crush is momentary.
A crush means nothing.
Because it holds no weight.

A crush is a paper cup.
A crush lasts a week.
A crush is recyclable.
A crush is disposable.
A crush is flippant.
A crush means nothing
Because it holds no weight.

Love holds the weight.

Love is binding.
Love is complex.
Love is sure.
Love is steady.
Love is secure.
Because it can't be changed by a momentary glance.
A solemn moment in time.
Love endures.

Love perpetuates.
Love teaches.
Love entrances.
Love frees as it binds.
Love makes you better.

A crush makes you fantasize.
Love lives in the moment.

A crush leaves you wounded.
Love heals your bruises and scars.

A crush gives you sorrow.
Love makes you grateful.

Love creates.
Love simplifies.
Love equalizes.

"So come what may, I won't abandon. I won't leave you behind. Because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment." -The Weight

In two months . . .

In two months, we will be in Vienna. Crazy! Plane tickets are bought, Jacob's fees are paid, my new passport is here. Things are coming along so well. We still have a lot to do, but I am so excited. This is going to be the best anniversary ever!!

Things left to do:
Pay my fees
Plan out the trip into Germany
Confirm flight
Buy bus tickets down to Vegas
Stop the mail
Pay rent in advance
Pack
Etc.

It's hard to get stressed out about any of this when I am just so dang excited to go!

I'm trying to figure out some things I can do while Jacob is in class during the day. So far, I am just planning on going to the giant art museum there. There is a Sigmund Freud museum there too, so that might have to be on the list too!