No, not the lame attempt at a memoir by Kelly Corrigan. The place in between my childhood and my adulthood. Still in school, though working half the time. Still in my hometown, though not living with my parents. Still in contact with some high school friends, but not really.
When is my life going to start? When am I going to get out of here? When am I going to spend more time picking up toys and changing diapers than painting my nails and shaving my legs? When am I going to get a job that pays more than $7.50/hour? When will I leave what is still my childhood/adolescence and enter adulthood.
Step 1: Get married. Check.
Step 2: Graduate from college. So close!
Step 3: Attend graduate school. Nooooo! I don't wanna!
Step 4: Have a baby. Yikes.
Step 5: Move to where our life will be, wherever Jacob can get a good job. Wait, what?
Step 6: Start a career. No thanks.
Step 7: Buy a house. With what money?!
Step 8: Live your life. Finally
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Friendship is . . .
. . . I don't know. Can't think of a word that encompasses it all. Probably because the state of friendship varies so much from person to person, friendship to friendship. I have been thinking a lot lately about those people that were such a large part of my life a few years ago, and what in the crap happened to them.
I hate losing touch with people. But sometimes I feel like its inevitable. I can't think of a single person that I remained friends with for more than 6 or 7 years. Why is that? Maybe its that people can't stand being around me after that long. I don't know. It bothers me.
Someday I very much hope to track down some friends that will actually stick with me. Not these people who are "fair-weather" friends. There when things are fun and exciting. Disappear when your world is falling in. Why can't people just be consistent? Why can't people "be there for you?" People can't be bothered, I guess.
People change. This is nothing new. One person in particular was stalwart and amazing when I first came to know her. She was valiant and strong in her convictions, fearlessly honest, and knew where her priorities were. Where is she now? I don't know. Somewhere far away, making half-hearted suggestions that we should "get together sometime" (could a statement be more vague?). Married to a guy she shouldn't be married to because her mind is fleeting and she doesn't care what she does anymore. She's not responsible for anything. I don't even know her anymore. This is why I don't really follow through on the "getting together" suggestion.
Even some of the friends I have managed to stay in contact with, I am bewildered by. Who are you? Do I even know you? You weren't like this when I knew you.
So now I am here. My best friend is my husband. My next closest friend is hundreds of miles away with very limited contact. When my husband is working, I clean the house, watch The Office, and read Harry Potter. Hoping one day I will find someone who is actually worth getting to know and actually worth inviting over. Someone who won't leave when the trauma comes, when I am sobbing, when I need them most.
I hate losing touch with people. But sometimes I feel like its inevitable. I can't think of a single person that I remained friends with for more than 6 or 7 years. Why is that? Maybe its that people can't stand being around me after that long. I don't know. It bothers me.
Someday I very much hope to track down some friends that will actually stick with me. Not these people who are "fair-weather" friends. There when things are fun and exciting. Disappear when your world is falling in. Why can't people just be consistent? Why can't people "be there for you?" People can't be bothered, I guess.
People change. This is nothing new. One person in particular was stalwart and amazing when I first came to know her. She was valiant and strong in her convictions, fearlessly honest, and knew where her priorities were. Where is she now? I don't know. Somewhere far away, making half-hearted suggestions that we should "get together sometime" (could a statement be more vague?). Married to a guy she shouldn't be married to because her mind is fleeting and she doesn't care what she does anymore. She's not responsible for anything. I don't even know her anymore. This is why I don't really follow through on the "getting together" suggestion.
Even some of the friends I have managed to stay in contact with, I am bewildered by. Who are you? Do I even know you? You weren't like this when I knew you.
So now I am here. My best friend is my husband. My next closest friend is hundreds of miles away with very limited contact. When my husband is working, I clean the house, watch The Office, and read Harry Potter. Hoping one day I will find someone who is actually worth getting to know and actually worth inviting over. Someone who won't leave when the trauma comes, when I am sobbing, when I need them most.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Europe was . . .
So amazing. I can't believe that at only 21 I got to go to Europe and experience some of the most amazing sights the world has to offer. We were so lucky to be able to take the opportunity now when we are young instead of waiting until after our future kids have grown up (i.e. 30 years from now). And what a great chance for us to have five weeks, just Jacob and I, to be with one another more than we have in the past six months!
Vienna is one of my new favorite cities. I can't quite explain why. Yes, it can be a very wicked place. Smoking, racy advertisements. But there is something about it there that I just love. It is probably the architecture. People back then (1500's - 1800's) definitely cared more about the exterior of their buildings than American builders do now. And although I can't say that I believe in what the Catholic church teaches, they sure do make some beautiful cathedrals. Vienna is chuck full of them. Stephansdom, Karlskirche, Votiv kirche, St. Peter's . . . they were all so beautiful. I also had the opportunity to get to know Vienna really well. Their U-Bahn system is amazing, and gave me the opportunity to go anywhere in the city I wanted to go. It easily began to feel like home, and while we were visiting Prague, I referred to Vienna as home. I definitely want to go back there someday.
I very much enjoyed the food offerings of Austria and Germany. Man-o-man, Wiener Schnitzel is so good (no, not the American fast food chain; they've got it ALL wrong). European Fanta is crazy good. I couldn't imagine that using real fruit juice could make a drink so much better, but it does. The Turkish people are definitely doing something right with Döners. They are so good, even if I get it "nur fleisch." And while in Germany, I have never experienced such amazing sausages. Münchener Weißwurst, Nürnberger wurst, and the Coburger wurst were some of the most delicious things I have ever put in my mouth!! The Coburger wurst is roasted over pine cones and gives it the most crazy awesome flavor. Even just thinking about it is making my mouth water.
Germany is very beautiful. Vienna is a lot of concrete, but i got to see so much green while I was in Germany. Rolling hills of green green green. Coming back to Utah made me feel like I was wearing brown sunglasses. (Don't get me wrong, I still love Utah). Rothenburg was a great place. It felt and looked just like you would think an old-fashioned, little German town would look. Nürnberg was one of my favorite cities we visited. Besides their crazy awesome sausage, the buildings there are so beautiful. It reminded me a lot of Vienna. Bamberg was also very cool (besides all the drunk teenagers). We walked up the big hill to a cathedral and palace that overlooked the city. We had an amazing view of the red-shingled houses and the stormy atmosphere added to the effect.
Coming home was bittersweet. Yes, I will miss the places I have seen and I will miss the food. But there is something about being home and being back in routine that feels nice. It is also nice to wash my clothes in a washing machine instead of in a sink, by hand.
All in all, the best vacation I have ever been on. I got to spend my first anniversary in one of my favorite cities, and it was wonderful to spend so much time with my sweetie.
Vienna is one of my new favorite cities. I can't quite explain why. Yes, it can be a very wicked place. Smoking, racy advertisements. But there is something about it there that I just love. It is probably the architecture. People back then (1500's - 1800's) definitely cared more about the exterior of their buildings than American builders do now. And although I can't say that I believe in what the Catholic church teaches, they sure do make some beautiful cathedrals. Vienna is chuck full of them. Stephansdom, Karlskirche, Votiv kirche, St. Peter's . . . they were all so beautiful. I also had the opportunity to get to know Vienna really well. Their U-Bahn system is amazing, and gave me the opportunity to go anywhere in the city I wanted to go. It easily began to feel like home, and while we were visiting Prague, I referred to Vienna as home. I definitely want to go back there someday.
I very much enjoyed the food offerings of Austria and Germany. Man-o-man, Wiener Schnitzel is so good (no, not the American fast food chain; they've got it ALL wrong). European Fanta is crazy good. I couldn't imagine that using real fruit juice could make a drink so much better, but it does. The Turkish people are definitely doing something right with Döners. They are so good, even if I get it "nur fleisch." And while in Germany, I have never experienced such amazing sausages. Münchener Weißwurst, Nürnberger wurst, and the Coburger wurst were some of the most delicious things I have ever put in my mouth!! The Coburger wurst is roasted over pine cones and gives it the most crazy awesome flavor. Even just thinking about it is making my mouth water.
Germany is very beautiful. Vienna is a lot of concrete, but i got to see so much green while I was in Germany. Rolling hills of green green green. Coming back to Utah made me feel like I was wearing brown sunglasses. (Don't get me wrong, I still love Utah). Rothenburg was a great place. It felt and looked just like you would think an old-fashioned, little German town would look. Nürnberg was one of my favorite cities we visited. Besides their crazy awesome sausage, the buildings there are so beautiful. It reminded me a lot of Vienna. Bamberg was also very cool (besides all the drunk teenagers). We walked up the big hill to a cathedral and palace that overlooked the city. We had an amazing view of the red-shingled houses and the stormy atmosphere added to the effect.
Coming home was bittersweet. Yes, I will miss the places I have seen and I will miss the food. But there is something about being home and being back in routine that feels nice. It is also nice to wash my clothes in a washing machine instead of in a sink, by hand.
All in all, the best vacation I have ever been on. I got to spend my first anniversary in one of my favorite cities, and it was wonderful to spend so much time with my sweetie.
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