Being a woman . . .

Let me start out by saying that I am not a feminist. There are very few points from the feminist viewpoint that I agree with, and generally I feel like their approach to the world is not how I would go about doing things. But we do have one common opinion: I hate chauvinists. Any man who thinks he is metaphorically bigger and badder than a woman can only hope he can remain so blissfully buried in self-delusion because it takes a hero to navigate being a woman successfully.

More than anything right now I am thinking about surviving life within this womanly body of mine. It is difficult. We can skip over all the fun stuff a female deals with during the maturing years and just go straight to being an adult. It is still difficult. I am so sick of hearing about how "emotional" women are. This tagline comes with the connotation that there is something I can do about it. There is not. A better term would be "hormonal," as my body is so full of raging hormones that may never be totally harmonious with one another and I am occasionally at the mercy of said hormones. (Granted, my husband is at the mercy of me when I am at the mercy of my hormones, so really everyone suffers.) Growing up in a family that didn't excel in showing healthy emotions, I can tell you that it is an extremely frustrating thing to feel like my emotions are out of control. I hate that every once in a while, I just plain feel like crying. I can't identify a reason; there is no problem solving I can do to make it go away. I must cry. And not only do these feelings exist inside of me, but I must also continue to live my life as normal while doing so. Speaking from the perspective of society, crying is bad, but working and being productive are good. So onward I must press.

I am also thinking about another biologically-based aspect of womanhood that does not get the recognition it deserves: pregnancy. Yes, some men do applaud their wives for the "great miracle" of being able to create life. It is amazing, but beyond that, it can be very difficult. Most women experience some degree of misery during their pregnancies. Most women will tell you how ill they were during their first trimester. I was very fortunate in having a relatively smooth first trimester, but right now I am in the throes of my third trimester. And it sucks. I can't sleep. I can only eat a little, but everything gives me heartburn and the thought makes all food sound terrible. Sitting, lying, and standing are all uncomfortable. My feet swell so bad that my ankles cease to function properly. My back kills from holding my massive frontside. I feel winded all the time because my lungs are smashed. Basically, I don't feel good. 100% of the time, I don't feel good. But, again, I am expected to work and function and get ready for baby. Straight up misery. And I haven't even gone through childbirth yet . . .

Basically, any man who thinks he is "strong" because he can bench press a cow or whatever can kiss mine. You don't know what strong is. You don't know what it's like to live inside this body.

Speaking of this body, I have destroyed it. Over the course of nine short months, my body is stretched, distorted, and completed sacrificed to the developing of my baby. And yes, my "hot" body is now gone. Forget bikinis, forget lingerie, I will never look good in any of them again. I built a human being inside me, and I have paid the price of forever being condemned as "ugly" by the world. Even after I lose the weight, my stretch marks and saggy boobs will remain. So I am sorry, men of the world, that I don't appeal to your tastes any longer. But I brought a life into this world, and the vehicle that brought it here will always show signs of the journey.

So there is my rant. I am tired of being considered weak. I am tired of being seen as pathetic and helpless. I have been brought here to complete tasks that a man can't, and I am proud that I was strong enough to do it.