Let me start out by saying that I am not a feminist. There are very few points from the feminist viewpoint that I agree with, and generally I feel like their approach to the world is not how I would go about doing things. But we do have one common opinion: I hate chauvinists. Any man who thinks he is metaphorically bigger and badder than a woman can only hope he can remain so blissfully buried in self-delusion because it takes a hero to navigate being a woman successfully.
More than anything right now I am thinking about surviving life within this womanly body of mine. It is difficult. We can skip over all the fun stuff a female deals with during the maturing years and just go straight to being an adult. It is still difficult. I am so sick of hearing about how "emotional" women are. This tagline comes with the connotation that there is something I can do about it. There is not. A better term would be "hormonal," as my body is so full of raging hormones that may never be totally harmonious with one another and I am occasionally at the mercy of said hormones. (Granted, my husband is at the mercy of me when I am at the mercy of my hormones, so really everyone suffers.) Growing up in a family that didn't excel in showing healthy emotions, I can tell you that it is an extremely frustrating thing to feel like my emotions are out of control. I hate that every once in a while, I just plain feel like crying. I can't identify a reason; there is no problem solving I can do to make it go away. I must cry. And not only do these feelings exist inside of me, but I must also continue to live my life as normal while doing so. Speaking from the perspective of society, crying is bad, but working and being productive are good. So onward I must press.
I am also thinking about another biologically-based aspect of womanhood that does not get the recognition it deserves: pregnancy. Yes, some men do applaud their wives for the "great miracle" of being able to create life. It is amazing, but beyond that, it can be very difficult. Most women experience some degree of misery during their pregnancies. Most women will tell you how ill they were during their first trimester. I was very fortunate in having a relatively smooth first trimester, but right now I am in the throes of my third trimester. And it sucks. I can't sleep. I can only eat a little, but everything gives me heartburn and the thought makes all food sound terrible. Sitting, lying, and standing are all uncomfortable. My feet swell so bad that my ankles cease to function properly. My back kills from holding my massive frontside. I feel winded all the time because my lungs are smashed. Basically, I don't feel good. 100% of the time, I don't feel good. But, again, I am expected to work and function and get ready for baby. Straight up misery. And I haven't even gone through childbirth yet . . .
Basically, any man who thinks he is "strong" because he can bench press a cow or whatever can kiss mine. You don't know what strong is. You don't know what it's like to live inside this body.
Speaking of this body, I have destroyed it. Over the course of nine short months, my body is stretched, distorted, and completed sacrificed to the developing of my baby. And yes, my "hot" body is now gone. Forget bikinis, forget lingerie, I will never look good in any of them again. I built a human being inside me, and I have paid the price of forever being condemned as "ugly" by the world. Even after I lose the weight, my stretch marks and saggy boobs will remain. So I am sorry, men of the world, that I don't appeal to your tastes any longer. But I brought a life into this world, and the vehicle that brought it here will always show signs of the journey.
So there is my rant. I am tired of being considered weak. I am tired of being seen as pathetic and helpless. I have been brought here to complete tasks that a man can't, and I am proud that I was strong enough to do it.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
One year . . .
I was just thinking about how different my life is than how I thought it would have turned out one year ago. Last May, I had just graduated with my Bachelor's, Jacob was done with sitting-in-a-classroom schooling and was preparing to student teach, and we were both working the same jobs we had been working since before we were married.
We were looking into graduate schools, trying to decide where we could both go, and if we could both go. Although our program choices had changed since the previous year, we were both sure that we would both be applying shortly for Fall 2013 enrollment. I signed up to take the GRE and enrolled in an online class to meet a requirement for admissions.
At the end of summer, we got our first surprise. Jacob's choice of grad program, education, would not accept applicants who did not have a Level 3 teaching license, i.e. the license you get after teaching professionally for three years. Sooooo, Jacob can't go to grad school until he gets a job. Okay, we can deal with that.
Second surprise: I felt terrible about applying for grad school. By September, I had taken the GRE, was almost halfway done with my online class, and had printed out the requirements to apply to my dream program: Master's of Social Work at BYU. And I couldn't get anything done on it. There was so much doubt about how in the world Jacob was going to get three years of teaching done in a very specialized program with few job openings if we set ourselves up for going to one place. My immobilization turned into complete disinterest and finally we agreed that I would skip applying for yet another year.
Third surprise: Jacob gets a job. Not only did Jacob get a job, but he got a full time job in his field TWO DAYS after he finished student teaching. They basically head hunted him for it, and within a month's time, we had gone from not knowing what the crap was going to happen to with our futures to having one pretty much handed to us. The only catch was that he had to do such a bang-up job and get so many students interested in taking German that they wouldn't cut the program come spring. Okay, some direction. Finally.
Fourth surprise: We get pregnant. The decision to try to get pregnant is totally personal and complicated and anyone who thinks I give a crap about their input on our decision to start our family can kiss mine. But I have to admit that it was kind of a whirlwind chain of events that lead us to make the decision, and I second-guessed myself more than once. Once again, our lives changes dramatically in a very short amount of time. It kind of made sense - Jacob would hopefully be able to keep his job for many years to come and that was more important than me going to graduate school immediately. Still, it was only a few weeks where we went from "I have no idea to when we will start our family" to "We're starting our family." That mind-blowing decision was only intensified when it took us a shockingly short amount of time to get pregnant. And just like that, over the course of a few short months, our futures had changed again.
Fifth surprise: They're cutting Jacob's program. This was a heartbreaking week. When Jacob got the news that they would be cutting German, we both spent the whole week in a kind of distant fog, a little on the verge of tears. It was a little bit of a slap in the face, to get pregnant and almost immediately find out that we have no income prospects for the upcoming year. We were both thinking, "What are we supposed to do now?" but talking about it was too uncomfortable and raw to really get anywhere. (Let me add that it was not due to Jacob that the program was being cut. Jacob did an amazing job getting students talking about how fun German was, and students were dropping French and Spanish to take it. With only around 100 student currently enrolled, he had 167 sign up for next year's program, more than enough for a full-time teacher. The program was that with Canyon View's overall enrollment dropping, the state would only allot a certain number of teachers they would pay for. With Jacob being a long-term sub and every other teacher being a contracted teacher with the intent to return next year, Jacob made the most fiscal sense to cut.)
Sixth surprise: They're not cutting Jacob's program. After we talked about it and decided that staying in Cedar and having the baby here was a better option than moving to Virginia or somewhere crazy far away where they were actually hiring a full-time German teacher, Jacob went to his boss and let him know that if they were to offer German part-time, he would be willing to stay. It only took a couple of days for the news to come that they would offer German part-time. Mostly due to some extra funds that the school was able to secure, but I think in part due to the fact that they knew they would have an applicant for the position. And so our life is set a stir again. We will [hopefully] have a job, but it won't be much, and there won't be benefits. Something we can work with. We're very good on living on a tight budget.
The seventh event was not so much a surprise as it was a confirmation that we were going in the right direction. Jacob got the part-time German job. Against one other applicant, but still. It's the best news we've gotten since we found out we were expecting.
So we are now at a place very different from where I had imagined we would be. I thought this summer would be spent scoping out apartments in the city of one of our grad program's schools, packing up our crap and hitting the books this fall. How very wrong I was. Instead, we will be prepping for a baby, living as cheaply as we can, and praying that Jacob's program can go full-time as soon as possible. Crazy how life throws us around and puts us where we need to be.
We were looking into graduate schools, trying to decide where we could both go, and if we could both go. Although our program choices had changed since the previous year, we were both sure that we would both be applying shortly for Fall 2013 enrollment. I signed up to take the GRE and enrolled in an online class to meet a requirement for admissions.
At the end of summer, we got our first surprise. Jacob's choice of grad program, education, would not accept applicants who did not have a Level 3 teaching license, i.e. the license you get after teaching professionally for three years. Sooooo, Jacob can't go to grad school until he gets a job. Okay, we can deal with that.
Second surprise: I felt terrible about applying for grad school. By September, I had taken the GRE, was almost halfway done with my online class, and had printed out the requirements to apply to my dream program: Master's of Social Work at BYU. And I couldn't get anything done on it. There was so much doubt about how in the world Jacob was going to get three years of teaching done in a very specialized program with few job openings if we set ourselves up for going to one place. My immobilization turned into complete disinterest and finally we agreed that I would skip applying for yet another year.
Third surprise: Jacob gets a job. Not only did Jacob get a job, but he got a full time job in his field TWO DAYS after he finished student teaching. They basically head hunted him for it, and within a month's time, we had gone from not knowing what the crap was going to happen to with our futures to having one pretty much handed to us. The only catch was that he had to do such a bang-up job and get so many students interested in taking German that they wouldn't cut the program come spring. Okay, some direction. Finally.
Fourth surprise: We get pregnant. The decision to try to get pregnant is totally personal and complicated and anyone who thinks I give a crap about their input on our decision to start our family can kiss mine. But I have to admit that it was kind of a whirlwind chain of events that lead us to make the decision, and I second-guessed myself more than once. Once again, our lives changes dramatically in a very short amount of time. It kind of made sense - Jacob would hopefully be able to keep his job for many years to come and that was more important than me going to graduate school immediately. Still, it was only a few weeks where we went from "I have no idea to when we will start our family" to "We're starting our family." That mind-blowing decision was only intensified when it took us a shockingly short amount of time to get pregnant. And just like that, over the course of a few short months, our futures had changed again.
Fifth surprise: They're cutting Jacob's program. This was a heartbreaking week. When Jacob got the news that they would be cutting German, we both spent the whole week in a kind of distant fog, a little on the verge of tears. It was a little bit of a slap in the face, to get pregnant and almost immediately find out that we have no income prospects for the upcoming year. We were both thinking, "What are we supposed to do now?" but talking about it was too uncomfortable and raw to really get anywhere. (Let me add that it was not due to Jacob that the program was being cut. Jacob did an amazing job getting students talking about how fun German was, and students were dropping French and Spanish to take it. With only around 100 student currently enrolled, he had 167 sign up for next year's program, more than enough for a full-time teacher. The program was that with Canyon View's overall enrollment dropping, the state would only allot a certain number of teachers they would pay for. With Jacob being a long-term sub and every other teacher being a contracted teacher with the intent to return next year, Jacob made the most fiscal sense to cut.)
Sixth surprise: They're not cutting Jacob's program. After we talked about it and decided that staying in Cedar and having the baby here was a better option than moving to Virginia or somewhere crazy far away where they were actually hiring a full-time German teacher, Jacob went to his boss and let him know that if they were to offer German part-time, he would be willing to stay. It only took a couple of days for the news to come that they would offer German part-time. Mostly due to some extra funds that the school was able to secure, but I think in part due to the fact that they knew they would have an applicant for the position. And so our life is set a stir again. We will [hopefully] have a job, but it won't be much, and there won't be benefits. Something we can work with. We're very good on living on a tight budget.
The seventh event was not so much a surprise as it was a confirmation that we were going in the right direction. Jacob got the part-time German job. Against one other applicant, but still. It's the best news we've gotten since we found out we were expecting.
So we are now at a place very different from where I had imagined we would be. I thought this summer would be spent scoping out apartments in the city of one of our grad program's schools, packing up our crap and hitting the books this fall. How very wrong I was. Instead, we will be prepping for a baby, living as cheaply as we can, and praying that Jacob's program can go full-time as soon as possible. Crazy how life throws us around and puts us where we need to be.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
A follow up . . .
Wow. That last post was pretty depressing. I have to admit I was in the gall of bitterness at that point. Not all days leave me feeling that bad, but one or two days a week, it really gets to me. I admit it, life is not amazing right now. Working 50 hours a week, every week, freaking sucks. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays usually consist of 12 - 14 hours of work. It's gotten pretty bad.
I have always known that my personality is not the type that does "all day, everyday" very well. I really can't handle doing one thing all day. This includes working. I get pretty down when the only thing I do during my waking hours is working, or, in a slight variation, going to and coming from work. It gets to me when I have those 8:30am-11:30pm work days (okay, I had an hour break, but still).
But I am feeling a lot better today. It is General Conference in my church, and, fortunately, I made it a priority to squeeze that into another work day. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf is so great. He has the tendency to speak to things that I really need to hear. Today was especially pertinent. He talked about making time for the important things in life, not whittling away all the time doing things that don't do you any good in the eternal scheme of things.
I realize that this is not happening too often in my life these days. Sometimes I see Jacob awake for half and hour the entire day. And while so much of that seems like it is out of control, it kind of isn't. I have a serious problem always saying "yes" to people. "Can you cover my shift?" "Can you handle that many hours?" "Can you come in early?" Yes. Yes. Yes. WHY? Just because I can doesn't mean I should. In fact, just because I can doesn't even mean it is in my best interest to do so. The physiological effects of my work schedule is becoming more and more evident everyday. How so? By all the stupid things I do and say that my brain wouldn't do if I had gotten enough rest! It needs to stop. I need to start saying no.
The second point that came up during President Uchtdorf's talk was that we need to be happy, no matter our circumstances. This was so good for me to hear (and my husband was totally like, "See? I've been telling you that the whole time!") because I have been the queen of complaining lately. Everyday I count up how many hours I am working and boo and whine about how much it is. It. Needs. To. Stop.
I have so much to be grateful for. I have such an amazing family. Especially my husband, who has been so patient with me lately and has been so loving, despite the minimal amount of time we see each other. I had the rare opportunity to be with my parents, brother, sister-in-law, nephew, and niece yesterday. It was so great. I am so lucky to have such a great family. We have so many blessings in our lives. We have food in our fridge, an apartment to live in, cars that run, bodies that stay healthy (even when we aren't giving them all the sleep and rest they need), and so many other things that many people in the world go without. Even the very thing I complain about the most, work, is a blessing. How lucky am I that I have two jobs?! Some people can't even get one!
So I am going to try to be better. President Uchtdorf, you really inspired me to try to make some changes. I think they will make me better, they will definitely make my life easier.
So here are my goals:
1. Stop saying yes to everything. Say no to people. They are not your responsibility.
2. Spend more time with family.
3. Be happier. Appreciate everything you have.
4. Stop complaining (so much).
This will be the difficult part.
Hoping for a better week next week! And so excited to have Sunday off tomorrow.
I have always known that my personality is not the type that does "all day, everyday" very well. I really can't handle doing one thing all day. This includes working. I get pretty down when the only thing I do during my waking hours is working, or, in a slight variation, going to and coming from work. It gets to me when I have those 8:30am-11:30pm work days (okay, I had an hour break, but still).
But I am feeling a lot better today. It is General Conference in my church, and, fortunately, I made it a priority to squeeze that into another work day. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf is so great. He has the tendency to speak to things that I really need to hear. Today was especially pertinent. He talked about making time for the important things in life, not whittling away all the time doing things that don't do you any good in the eternal scheme of things.
I realize that this is not happening too often in my life these days. Sometimes I see Jacob awake for half and hour the entire day. And while so much of that seems like it is out of control, it kind of isn't. I have a serious problem always saying "yes" to people. "Can you cover my shift?" "Can you handle that many hours?" "Can you come in early?" Yes. Yes. Yes. WHY? Just because I can doesn't mean I should. In fact, just because I can doesn't even mean it is in my best interest to do so. The physiological effects of my work schedule is becoming more and more evident everyday. How so? By all the stupid things I do and say that my brain wouldn't do if I had gotten enough rest! It needs to stop. I need to start saying no.
The second point that came up during President Uchtdorf's talk was that we need to be happy, no matter our circumstances. This was so good for me to hear (and my husband was totally like, "See? I've been telling you that the whole time!") because I have been the queen of complaining lately. Everyday I count up how many hours I am working and boo and whine about how much it is. It. Needs. To. Stop.
I have so much to be grateful for. I have such an amazing family. Especially my husband, who has been so patient with me lately and has been so loving, despite the minimal amount of time we see each other. I had the rare opportunity to be with my parents, brother, sister-in-law, nephew, and niece yesterday. It was so great. I am so lucky to have such a great family. We have so many blessings in our lives. We have food in our fridge, an apartment to live in, cars that run, bodies that stay healthy (even when we aren't giving them all the sleep and rest they need), and so many other things that many people in the world go without. Even the very thing I complain about the most, work, is a blessing. How lucky am I that I have two jobs?! Some people can't even get one!
So I am going to try to be better. President Uchtdorf, you really inspired me to try to make some changes. I think they will make me better, they will definitely make my life easier.
So here are my goals:
1. Stop saying yes to everything. Say no to people. They are not your responsibility.
2. Spend more time with family.
3. Be happier. Appreciate everything you have.
4. Stop complaining (so much).
This will be the difficult part.
Hoping for a better week next week! And so excited to have Sunday off tomorrow.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
It gets better . . .
I can't sleep. I slept in too long this morning to go to sleep by midnight. But I also have something on my mind. Something I would like to talk about with someone, but no one has the time to hear it. Nor is it something enjoyable to hear.
What happened to my life? I don't even feel like I am living one right now. I am just drearily moving on from one day to another, one task to the next. I don't think I could remember how to have fun if I even had the time to try. Everyday is just wholly consumed with work. Since I got my second job, I have worked more 50 hour weeks than not. I just get up in the morning, go to work, work all day long, then come home and do nothing because I am too freaking tired to do anything else or because it's midnight and Jacob wants to go to bed.
I thought these were supposed to be he best years of my life. I thought I was supposed to spend every waking second with my husband just consumed in lovey dovey bliss and live a life of absolute carefree joy until we decided to grow up and have kids. What a load of nonsense that is. Every passing moment just seems to get busier than the last. There is so much to do; I am barely keeping my head above water.
I am totally at a loss as to what to do. I can't quit one of my jobs, and Jacob can't just stop student teaching. And unless he can find a new job in this terrible economy, he is just going to keep working those same horrendous hours at the restaurant.
I realize people go through rough patches. I realize that people get busy. But does it ever get better? I don't hear of people getting less busy. I just so desperately hope that there is something more fulfilling out there than this. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life just completing tasks on a checklist like I do now. My whole brain is consumed with thoughts of the next shift and the next work project, I never think about anything else. I don't know how much longer I can live like this. I feel so unfulfilled my life is just a meaningless list of tasks with no pleasure and no enjoyment. And I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel assuring me that it's going to get better. I wish I had something like that to look forward to, but, to be honest, I don't have anything to look forward to in my life right now.
Sonething's gotta give. I can't live this life anymore.
What happened to my life? I don't even feel like I am living one right now. I am just drearily moving on from one day to another, one task to the next. I don't think I could remember how to have fun if I even had the time to try. Everyday is just wholly consumed with work. Since I got my second job, I have worked more 50 hour weeks than not. I just get up in the morning, go to work, work all day long, then come home and do nothing because I am too freaking tired to do anything else or because it's midnight and Jacob wants to go to bed.
I thought these were supposed to be he best years of my life. I thought I was supposed to spend every waking second with my husband just consumed in lovey dovey bliss and live a life of absolute carefree joy until we decided to grow up and have kids. What a load of nonsense that is. Every passing moment just seems to get busier than the last. There is so much to do; I am barely keeping my head above water.
I am totally at a loss as to what to do. I can't quit one of my jobs, and Jacob can't just stop student teaching. And unless he can find a new job in this terrible economy, he is just going to keep working those same horrendous hours at the restaurant.
I realize people go through rough patches. I realize that people get busy. But does it ever get better? I don't hear of people getting less busy. I just so desperately hope that there is something more fulfilling out there than this. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life just completing tasks on a checklist like I do now. My whole brain is consumed with thoughts of the next shift and the next work project, I never think about anything else. I don't know how much longer I can live like this. I feel so unfulfilled my life is just a meaningless list of tasks with no pleasure and no enjoyment. And I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel assuring me that it's going to get better. I wish I had something like that to look forward to, but, to be honest, I don't have anything to look forward to in my life right now.
Sonething's gotta give. I can't live this life anymore.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
I am 22 . . .
So. What.
I think we have a problem here in Utah. Everybody wants to get everything done so quickly. Married at 19. Baby at 20. Another baby at 21. What is with that? Oh, and graduating in 2 years so you can have your degree. What is with the Mormon women and having to get life started so dang soon. I feel like everyone is just making plans and hurrying to get things done so quickly. Why? Because you have to have 10 kids before you hit 35?
I hate that everyone is pressuring me to have a baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Could someone please talk to me about something other than a baby? If they are not talking to me about a baby, it's about grad school. I have had my Bachelor's for two months, and it is officially time to go to grad school. Get my butt to grad school. People always seem so condescending when I tell them I am taking a year off. Like, oh, you're going to work for a year? At your minimum wage jobs? Ugh. How pathetic.
What's wrong with taking my time with my life? Why do I have to have a family by the time I'm 23? Just because I'm LDS doesn't mean I want to pop out babies for the rest of my days. Maybe I want to experience life before I settle down completely. Maybe I want to take things slower so I don't have a nervous breakdown in grad school.
I will do it my way, thank you very much. I'll get there when I get there.
I think we have a problem here in Utah. Everybody wants to get everything done so quickly. Married at 19. Baby at 20. Another baby at 21. What is with that? Oh, and graduating in 2 years so you can have your degree. What is with the Mormon women and having to get life started so dang soon. I feel like everyone is just making plans and hurrying to get things done so quickly. Why? Because you have to have 10 kids before you hit 35?
I hate that everyone is pressuring me to have a baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Could someone please talk to me about something other than a baby? If they are not talking to me about a baby, it's about grad school. I have had my Bachelor's for two months, and it is officially time to go to grad school. Get my butt to grad school. People always seem so condescending when I tell them I am taking a year off. Like, oh, you're going to work for a year? At your minimum wage jobs? Ugh. How pathetic.
What's wrong with taking my time with my life? Why do I have to have a family by the time I'm 23? Just because I'm LDS doesn't mean I want to pop out babies for the rest of my days. Maybe I want to experience life before I settle down completely. Maybe I want to take things slower so I don't have a nervous breakdown in grad school.
I will do it my way, thank you very much. I'll get there when I get there.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Epic end to an even more epic decade . . . (Tribute to Thrice)
About a month ago I went to my final Thrice concert. It was their Farewell tour, they are basically done being full-time touring musicians. I still have hope that they might make more music one day, but there's definitely no guarantee.
Basically, this was the greatest concert I've ever been to, in my short life of concert attendance. Such a good crowd as far as participation goes. I was a little bit out of the heat of it because we went upstairs on the balcony, but it was still a phenomenal experience. Not being in the middle of the crazy moshers gave me a chance to just sit back and listen when I really just wanted to savor the minute, instead of jump around a punch dance like everyone else. Truly, it was musical perfection.
Since the concert, I basically have felt like listening to only Thrice. I will turn on something else, but it will only take a matter of minutes before I start thinking about a Thrice song I would rather be listening to. This is the band that has ruined all other music for me.
You (as in the one reader I get a year with this blog) may be thinking to yourself, "What's so great about this band I've never heard of?" Well sir/ma'am, let me tell you why they are so friggin good and I could not possibly ever have another favorite band.
Mostly, it's Dustin. Don't tell my husband, but I basically love this man. He is truly amazing. If Dustin writes it, it is pure lyrical gold. I will give you some examples:
"The lesson you'd do well not to forget
Your life could be the one it's wisdom saves
At sea, where you're beleaguered and beset
On every side by strife of wind and waves
Despite the best of maps and the bravest men
For all their mighty names and massive forms
There'll never be and has never been
A ship of fleet secure against the storms.
When kings upon the main have clung to pride
And held themselves to masters of the sea
I've held them down beneath the crushing tide
Til they have learned that no one masters me.
But grace can still be found within the gale
And fear and reverence, raise your ragged sail."
-King Upon the Main
Not convinced? Okay, we'll keep going.
"I've never been this cold, the fire's gravity compels
Like planets cling to sol, I feel my orbit start to fail
Like moths to flame I come, too close and all my oaths are burned
As star begin to run, all my accusers take their turn
And calling curses down, from my lips lies like poison spill
And then that awful sound, the sound of prophesy fulfilled
And then I met your eyes, and I remember everything
And something in me dies, the night that I betrayed my King."
-from Like Moths to Flame
And there is so much more where that came from. He is so brilliant, I hope his pursuits now that he is not a frontman take him to the world of literature because I love reading everything he writes. He's capable of saying so much with so little:
"Tell me are you free
While the gallows stand
And bullets lance the bravest lungs
Will I fold my hands or hold my tongue
Or let the flames lick at my feet
Or breathe in fire and know I'm free
Flames will rise and devour me
Oh, to breathe in fire and know I'm free."
-from Firebreather
The second song example is also the second reason why I love this band so much. What other band could scream and make me feel reverent. NONE! I love that Dustin is so religious and his lyrics reflect that. I really do feel closer to God while listening to certain songs. Take this one for example (one of my all-time favorites):
"All you great men of power, you who boast of your feats
Politicians and entrepeneurs
Can you safeguard your breath in the night while you sleep?
Keep your heart beating steady and sure?
As you lie in your bed, does the thought haunt your head that you're really rather small?
If there's one thing I know in this life, we are beggars all.
All you champions of science and rulers of men
Can you summon the sun from its sleep?
Does the earth seek your counsel on how fast to spin?
Can you shut up the gates of the deep?
Don't you know that all things hang as if my a string over the darkness, poised to fall?
If there's one thing I know in this life, we are beggars all.
All you big shots that swagger and stride with conceit
Did you devise how your frame would be formed?
If you'd be raised in a palace or live out on the streets,
Choose the place or the hour you'd be born?
Tell me what can you claim? Not a thing, not your name!
Tell me if you can recall just one thing not a gift in this life
Can you hear what's been said?
Can you see now that everything's grace, after all?
If there's one thing I know in this life, we are beggars all."
-Beggars
Now if that doesn't convince you that they are amazing, I don't know what will, but I will keep going nonetheless. The next reason for loving this band can be summed up in one word: Teppai. This guy is so amazing. Not only does he shred like its nobody's business, but he just oozes style and awesomeness. I love seeing him live, he just grooves around the stage like he's in his room playing by himself.
Another thing I really, really adore about this band is their musical diversity. Album after album, I never get bored. There is something for every mood I am in. Feeling like head banging like a crazy person? Listen to The Illusion of Safety or Artist in the Ambulance. Feeling like getting deeply introspective? Vheissu or The Alchemy Index. Just chilling? Beggars. And if you ever need to get seriously pumped up, one word: Firebreather. I wish so much I had known about these guys when I was playing volleyball. It would have gotten me much more riled than any of that hip-hop nonsense we played during warm-ups.
I thing the last thing I have to say is that it just doesn't get any better. I can't explain it. I've just never listened to anything this good. And in some cases, I've never listened to anything so beautiful. I think this is exemplified best in this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvYmxHN4z7k
So there's my long-winded tribute to Thrice. Hopefully, someone will listen to my constant pleadings and give them a try. But if not, I'll just keep my wonderful little secret hidden from at large and know that it doesn't get any better than this.
Basically, this was the greatest concert I've ever been to, in my short life of concert attendance. Such a good crowd as far as participation goes. I was a little bit out of the heat of it because we went upstairs on the balcony, but it was still a phenomenal experience. Not being in the middle of the crazy moshers gave me a chance to just sit back and listen when I really just wanted to savor the minute, instead of jump around a punch dance like everyone else. Truly, it was musical perfection.
Since the concert, I basically have felt like listening to only Thrice. I will turn on something else, but it will only take a matter of minutes before I start thinking about a Thrice song I would rather be listening to. This is the band that has ruined all other music for me.
You (as in the one reader I get a year with this blog) may be thinking to yourself, "What's so great about this band I've never heard of?" Well sir/ma'am, let me tell you why they are so friggin good and I could not possibly ever have another favorite band.
Mostly, it's Dustin. Don't tell my husband, but I basically love this man. He is truly amazing. If Dustin writes it, it is pure lyrical gold. I will give you some examples:
"The lesson you'd do well not to forget
Your life could be the one it's wisdom saves
At sea, where you're beleaguered and beset
On every side by strife of wind and waves
Despite the best of maps and the bravest men
For all their mighty names and massive forms
There'll never be and has never been
A ship of fleet secure against the storms.
When kings upon the main have clung to pride
And held themselves to masters of the sea
I've held them down beneath the crushing tide
Til they have learned that no one masters me.
But grace can still be found within the gale
And fear and reverence, raise your ragged sail."
-King Upon the Main
Not convinced? Okay, we'll keep going.
"I've never been this cold, the fire's gravity compels
Like planets cling to sol, I feel my orbit start to fail
Like moths to flame I come, too close and all my oaths are burned
As star begin to run, all my accusers take their turn
And calling curses down, from my lips lies like poison spill
And then that awful sound, the sound of prophesy fulfilled
And then I met your eyes, and I remember everything
And something in me dies, the night that I betrayed my King."
-from Like Moths to Flame
And there is so much more where that came from. He is so brilliant, I hope his pursuits now that he is not a frontman take him to the world of literature because I love reading everything he writes. He's capable of saying so much with so little:
"Tell me are you free
While the gallows stand
And bullets lance the bravest lungs
Will I fold my hands or hold my tongue
Or let the flames lick at my feet
Or breathe in fire and know I'm free
Flames will rise and devour me
Oh, to breathe in fire and know I'm free."
-from Firebreather
The second song example is also the second reason why I love this band so much. What other band could scream and make me feel reverent. NONE! I love that Dustin is so religious and his lyrics reflect that. I really do feel closer to God while listening to certain songs. Take this one for example (one of my all-time favorites):
"All you great men of power, you who boast of your feats
Politicians and entrepeneurs
Can you safeguard your breath in the night while you sleep?
Keep your heart beating steady and sure?
As you lie in your bed, does the thought haunt your head that you're really rather small?
If there's one thing I know in this life, we are beggars all.
All you champions of science and rulers of men
Can you summon the sun from its sleep?
Does the earth seek your counsel on how fast to spin?
Can you shut up the gates of the deep?
Don't you know that all things hang as if my a string over the darkness, poised to fall?
If there's one thing I know in this life, we are beggars all.
All you big shots that swagger and stride with conceit
Did you devise how your frame would be formed?
If you'd be raised in a palace or live out on the streets,
Choose the place or the hour you'd be born?
Tell me what can you claim? Not a thing, not your name!
Tell me if you can recall just one thing not a gift in this life
Can you hear what's been said?
Can you see now that everything's grace, after all?
If there's one thing I know in this life, we are beggars all."
-Beggars
Now if that doesn't convince you that they are amazing, I don't know what will, but I will keep going nonetheless. The next reason for loving this band can be summed up in one word: Teppai. This guy is so amazing. Not only does he shred like its nobody's business, but he just oozes style and awesomeness. I love seeing him live, he just grooves around the stage like he's in his room playing by himself.
Another thing I really, really adore about this band is their musical diversity. Album after album, I never get bored. There is something for every mood I am in. Feeling like head banging like a crazy person? Listen to The Illusion of Safety or Artist in the Ambulance. Feeling like getting deeply introspective? Vheissu or The Alchemy Index. Just chilling? Beggars. And if you ever need to get seriously pumped up, one word: Firebreather. I wish so much I had known about these guys when I was playing volleyball. It would have gotten me much more riled than any of that hip-hop nonsense we played during warm-ups.
I thing the last thing I have to say is that it just doesn't get any better. I can't explain it. I've just never listened to anything this good. And in some cases, I've never listened to anything so beautiful. I think this is exemplified best in this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvYmxHN4z7k
So there's my long-winded tribute to Thrice. Hopefully, someone will listen to my constant pleadings and give them a try. But if not, I'll just keep my wonderful little secret hidden from at large and know that it doesn't get any better than this.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Lyricist . . .
Rhetoric can't raise the dead
I'm sick of always talking when there's no change
Rhetoric can't raise the dead
I'm sick of empty words
Let's lead
Not follow
Late night
Brakes lock
Hear the tires squeal
Red light
Can't stop
So I spin the wheel
My world goes black
Before I feel an angel
Steal me from the greedy jaws of death and chance
And pull me in with steady hands
Giving me a second chance
The artist in the ambulance
I'm sick of always talking when there's no change
Rhetoric can't raise the dead
I'm sick of empty words
Let's lead
Not follow
Late night
Brakes lock
Hear the tires squeal
Red light
Can't stop
So I spin the wheel
My world goes black
Before I feel an angel
Steal me from the greedy jaws of death and chance
And pull me in with steady hands
Giving me a second chance
The artist in the ambulance
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